“Cold Cut Case Files” by Dr. Eugenius P. Wenthere

In the late 1940s, the U.S. security forces sponsored a top secret experiment known as Project K.M. Ultrapacket, in an attempt to keep up with the ever expanding Cold Condiment War that was then sweeping the planet. The goal of this project was to create artificially intelligent condiment based life forms that were meant to infiltrate an enemy society, pose as a human, undermine the social structure of the enemy, and cause societal collapse. The project was eventually cancelled when a semi-intelligent cheese-food, which could mimic human speech, escaped from the secret lab. It is a completely evil life-form, considered extremely stupid but also extremely dangerous, and has been on the loose for more than 70 years!

Experts believe it has probably disguised itself as a human and integrated itself into some social group. Though the cheese-creature can simulate human speech, it has no true human thoughts and its actual verbal statements are often gibberish, which should make it easy to identify. If found, citizens are asked to try and kill the evil cheese based life form with fire, and EVERYONE is being asked to keep an eye out for an orange, gibbering, semi-intelligent monster, programmed to destroy whatever society it has infiltrated! With the help of good citizens everywhere, we can finally put the misguided Project K.M. Ultrapacket to rest. Thanks!

—Dr. Eugenius P. Wenthere


About richardfyates

Compulsive creator of the bizarre and absurd. (Artist, writer, poet, provocateur...)
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