“Old and Foxy” by Joseph Madamba

[Joseph Madamba returns to the Workshop with a lovely absurdist look at a classic typing exercise! If you haven’t read Joseph’s classic “Hippopotamus Will Rampage” yet, you really should! It’s one of the most popular pieces we’ve ever published here at the P.E.W.! AND, he assures me that he’s working on a prequel story that should be coming our way towards the end of the year!!! Totally awesome, to the max! Meanwhile, let’s get to Joseph’s newest piece! —RFY]

One quick brown fox leapt over nine hundred lazy dogs until his ankles bled, and then he rested for twelve days. After resting for twelve days the quick brown fox realized he was no longer being a quick brown fox and instead was being a lazy brown fox, and noticed that a quicker browner fox was leaping over him, and nine hundred lazy dogs. The lazy brown fox then realized that he and the nine hundred lazy dogs were not actually lazy at all, they were all sinking slowly into a quagmire, and could not escape, and a quicker browner fox was taunting them. Soon the sinking brown fox realized that not only was he sinking, but it was raining, and not an ordinary rain. It was raining blood, from the ankles of the quicker browner fox. After a couple more days the quicker browner fox landed next to the stuck brown fox who then stuffed him further into the quagmire. Thus they sat together for twelve more days until the quickest brownest fox came upon the quagmire. The quickest brownest fox then began leaping over the nine hundred sinking dogs, the sinking fox, and the lower browner fox, and all the dogs and foxes were mad. For one thousand years the quickest brownest fox leapt across the quagmire, and with the greatest most graceful of ease, he continued leaping and prancing about between leaps. As the nine hundred stuck dogs and the stuck fox, and the lower browner fox continued to grow more jealous, they realized that the quagmire was drying up, and they could now stand, and run, they were free. The quickest brownest fox soon discovered that he was not the quickest, or the brownest, and realized he was not even a fox but a raccoon. The nine hundred dogs and the quick brown fox joined the quicker browner fox as they chased down and devoured the raccoon, at which point they began to wonder how they had survived over one thousand years trapped in a quagmire. Especially considering the bloody condition of the ankles for each previously stuck fox. After lengthy discussion the foxes and the dogs decided that they had more interesting things to worry about, and half the dogs left to a dog park, three hundred left to go swimming, one hundred realized they lived in nearby houses, while forty-nine of the dogs decided to challenge the quicker browner fox to a race, and the last dog decided it was time for a nap. This left only one fox with nothing to do. So the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

—Joseph Madamba


About richardfyates

Compulsive creator of the bizarre and absurd. (Artist, writer, poet, provocateur...)
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